To be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions the other person will enjoy answering, encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that the people you are taling to are 100 times more interested in talking about themselves, their wants and problems than your problems. A person’s toothache means more to them than the famine in Africa.

Principles for being a good conversationalist:

1. Encourage people to talk about themselves.

Read up on the subject that most interests that person before you are to meet with them.

I would liek to tkae more risks.

Sir Henry Ford. 9/45

Speak for the other person’s point of view, not your own. Speak in terms of what the other person wants and arouse an eager want in them.

First, arouse in the other person an egar want, he who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot, walks a lonely way.

The most you can do is try, if nothing comes of it, at least you tried.

1. He wants a successful relationship

2. He doesn’t want to start over again

3. I don’t want to start over again

4. Is he ever going to find another me?

5. Just be positive about the relationship. We have such awesome communication! How could we not make this work?

Find the good points about him, and people in general, and appreciate him/them for them.Take a genuine interest.

6. Give him what he wants: freedom with sex.

7. What’s his biggest worry? Trust. That one is kinda hard.

Today is a new day. Do something today, think of things always that will move you forward. There will be bad times, and there will be better times, you won’t completely get over it, it’s not the point, the point is to move forward. Set goals that force you to move forward. Just always move forward. No point in dwelling on making someone stay with you who doesn’t want to. No point in making anyone stay with you who doesn’t want to.

Set some goals to keep yourself distracted so you can work on keeping a friendship, and focus on accomplishing them today: finish a painting & frame it. Go to gym. Go outside. Read up on Core77 as it takes you to another place. Read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Eat healthy. Apply for Student Loan! Stay positive! Watch a feel good movie. Take good care of yourself. Don’t hate!!

visualize yourself happy. walking across that floor with your degree. Visualize yourself making the right choices for yourself and having fun and being creative. Interacting and finding your niche. Laughing a lot and feeling comfortable.

Call it a day.

I was being selfish. Now I feel like he has the upper hand. But he doesn’t. I always have the upper hand.

“that was nice. a lot of intense feelings.”

He’s totally been talking to his Dad.

Just stay positive.

Don’t say anything you’ll regret.

I am fearful because what if he startys up again? He has started up again. I fear he is cheating on me to hurt me in his mind, in his acitons.

I distrust him because I feel fear. I feel fearful, I feel distrust, I distrust because he is doing these actions. because his mind is elsewhere. If he is writign her, or commenting on the picture? I dont’ know. I dont’knwo if he is. I woudl be tremedously sad if he was. I dont’ know how to handle this situation. I want to turn away, but iknow there is another way to deal with this, a loving way. My mind is racing, my heart is racing. I won’t react, I will be calm, rational, give it let God handle it. I give it God.

I am embarrased because I feel it says somethign about me. What he is just relly a loser himsefl? If that’s so, why am I with him?

I refuse to fall bcak into my old actions, I won’t be the less person. Objective. How can I see this objectively? Man, emotions are strong. I fear the worst, adn that’s whats coming out. what if he is, but his intentions are different? This raises fear in me because it makes me feel inadequte. It makes me feel liek the attention I give him isn’t enough. I don’t feel loyalty form him, I don’t feel trust.

I am angry as hell. I feel that what we have worked so hard for has been thrown out the window and I’m not sure how to get it back. I don’t know what to do! It’s easy yes indeed t loe him when I”m feelign OK, but right now, ok, it has subsided a bit…but I it’s easy to love him when he is doing well, when love is flowing, but when he cheats on me due to anger, or does somethign out of retaliation…he feels bad, I feel bad and no one wins.

Maybe he feels he doesn’t have the vocab. It’s hard to see past the anger. EMotions shouldn’t be so strong. I will not react though.

What is the right thing to do? Confront? Initially yes, but I think “No”. Not punish by staying here. What is something like a principle? Accept that he has weaknesses, just like me? And should be treated how I would like to be treated? Sigh. How would a confident person act? Maybe even asking myself this is a step in the right direction. Maybe a confident person wouldn’t worry so much. But he’s still doing it. So what. You have way more going on than him. Why does he treat me like that?

I can’t criticize “do you not think that when you act like that, you are no different?”

Brain: THINK. Maybe that’s who he is, and I have to let him be that person. He’s 44. He is not going to change. Don’t try to change him. Focus on keeping yourself positive, and not thinking it’s the right thing to do. I guess. But the main thing is: don’t try to change him, appreciate him. Reward him for being him. Truly. And that means you have to change you. But if you do it because you think it will make him change, it will be in vain. So, you are not ready.
I don’t know, I can’t guess what he is thinking, I just look at his actions.

I think letting him be himself is a step in the right direction. It’s fucking retarded. I am still ingrained in my old ways. I think I make positive steps forward, but I make slow progress. I shouldn’t beat myself up too much, as he’s noticed, but I want serious change in him. And I feel that my own behavior is preventing that from happening. Do I really think it’s that bad that he acts that way, when I do it myself? The behavior I make is sending him a message that I’m getting angry at him for what he does when I do it myself. Also, the cheating thing, if Mom wasn’t there, objectively, the universe has a way of placing things in our way to help us. If it wasnts us to succeed. And we are to succeed. This relationship is to succeed. I so badly wish I was better at this than I am right now! I must send myself love and approval first. I am thankful for comign across this material, even though sometimes I want to throw all my hard work out the window, I think it will have long term effects on this relationship.

I believe, I am putting my trust into the universe and this relationship and myself and in Shannon that we will, that I will become a better person, he will love me for who I am, and I will love him. That’s what I believe. I have faith in this. I commit myself to this way of thinking.

I will not condemn him anymore for his behavior. I will believe he will learn from his mistakes when I show him love, and acceptance. I will practice it every day. I will practice loving him, his actions even though they hurt me. I will learn from this day forward.That means you have o suck it up and trust, hold tight and trust that you will get through this, tha the willa dn your good

he acts lie nothign is wrong, I feel an extreme amount of “I will blow up any second if he doesn’t apoologise” I feel I will blow up. He acts liek nothign is wrong. it was easy to think about two seconds ago. I am all going on assumption that he is talking with Jen. So imagine he is not. Imagine God taking care of this situaion. I’m fucked.

I’m feeling my feelings, and I’m pissed off. He is disrespecting me I fear. But what if he is not?

So I wrote back and made it seem like nothgin is wrong. I want to handle my emotions differently. I can feel things, but I can chose how to react. I am very thankful fo rthe interent right now…None of this iwll matter in a few months. None of this has to matter in a few years…How I set myself up for the future is what matters now…If I give love, then I receive love. This is so perfect on praticing how I feel and how I give. I am thankful for the opportunity. To trust, to love, to work through my myriad of feelings. I am feeling tons of things right now and I am recording all of them — deep deep deep sense of these emotions: fear, anger, mistrust, sadness, loathing, being lied to, yes it’s more about them lying to me, than the actual act.

I don’t hav ethe key to the art centre anymore. I feel the fear of mistrust again. I feel back to square one…but it’s not necessarily where we are at. he was right, I woudl have mistrusted him anyway.

Deep down he really loves me, and wants this to work. Is what he says. So then I htink, well I’m the one with all the cards. I’m the one who has the upper hand. Coudl I be happier? Yeah. Probably. There are tons of opportunites out there, and he hasn’t really made me the most happy. I guess in many respects yes, but I can’t trust him to sav emy life. I trusted Max, I trusted Luis to tell e the truth, I didn’t with some others.

All these old emotions are coming up. Weird. I suddenly feel vulnerable or like he’s lying, or something. He’s just bene really suspicious with his behavior. Maybe I’m just suspicious of him. I’m trying now to take myself out of the situation, and see it as oan observer, and see myself trusting him. I hate to tink what was going on before is going on now. And what was happening with Melissa is happenign with me. It’s what I feared before and what I fear now. I don’t deserve that. I Do it to myself. If I didn’t fear, I feel better. Mayeb acting liek I have somethign better to do, or doing somethign else will help me feel better. blah.

e’s super jeaous of you, any guy he sees you alkig to he gets realyl jealous of. He can’t live without you. Stand by that. He watches you liek a hawk, he’d die without you. Any reason for him to go ff is just an example of that belief. Trust it. Trust he wants to be with you, helikes you; loves you.

The best way to stay out of a rut when you graduate is to make sure you and not in too much debt when you graduate. Work lots each summer. Work like a dog. So that way you aren’t taking the first job that lands in your lap when you graduate, over and over. And end up years later doing that same thing instead of wha you want to be doing but couldn’t because you needed the money “NOW”. Because you will have bills when you graduate.

be aware of the space around you

and notice something about yourself

and just now, just for right now, just for the moment, allow God to control that something

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

notice something about yourself

and just foe now, allow God to control that something

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

notice something about the body

and just for now, allow God to control that something about the body

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

notice some feeling or sensation that you have

and just for now, allow God to control that feeling or sensation

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

notice a feeling or sensation you have in or around the body

and just for now, allow God to control that feeling or sensation

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

allow your attention to go to some situation in your life

and just for now, allow God to control that situation

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

notice some relationship that you have in your life

and just for now, allow God to control how that relationship works

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

allow your attention to go to some situation in your life, perhaps regarding money, and just for now, allow god to control that situation

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

while maintaining an awareness of that space, allow you attention to go to some situation:

perhaps money, perhaps living conditions, and for right now, allow God to have control of that situation, just for right now

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

notice some thing about your body

and

while maintaining an awareness of the space, allow God to control that thing about your body

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

and just for right now, allow God to control whatever it is that is going on in that space around you

soften your focus

be aware of the space around you

notice some situation that is going on in your life, maybe interactions with other people, something about the job situation, and just for right now, allow God to have control of that situation

If life can be summarized into a series of common occurrences, then what significance is this statement?

I think I have had it really lucky, and is why I am so jaded. Why I am so spoiled when it comes to love and relationships. I could have anyone I wanted and therefore have become lazy in my trying to make it work. It has been handed to me many times. I have been also taken for many rides. So my experience, coupled with the shittyness that is my parents own relationships, brings me to see why I am so shitty at relationships.

I’m fucked when it comes to relationships. I can’t keep it together either. I’m not getting any younger either. I still don’t want kids, but seriously, what the hell? People say “gotta live the way you want” but it’s still fucked. I’m fucked up!

Why I have such a hard time getting my education together, why I have little to no motivation is because I have had shitty role models. I crave to be shown the way. I crave to be shown the light to where I’m supposed to go to be a success. I have to make my own way. I have to find a way where there is no way. I must do my own research.

How fitting the song “Free Bird” comes on. it reminds me of how Shannon really believes he is a free bird. It will push him further from me. I believe I too am a free bird. It’s not that I am, I have just taken my relationships for granted too often. I compare myself to that of a normal girl in my situation and I am heading somewhere that is not normal. I am not following the path of so many before me. My sister…I have no idea what the fuck she is doing with her life. I don’t know if she does either. I should be settling down with a family. I should want to be with someone. But my own parents relationship has soured that I believe. I have never wanted to get married. And if I did, it would be on weird terms. I have so many hang-ups. Which is why I’m going to be single soon and not getting married or whatever. I have too many options.

I suppose my options for later are to meet someone and get married because it’s the thing to do. I should be seriously looking for someone to marry soon or else I will end up alone. Spinster. I don’t have any decent role models. Not my sister, my mother is seriously un-fulfilled in her relationship. In any of them she was. I don’t have very good role models, I never noticed it before. I always end up with dudes that are disrespectful, or who don’t stay for too long. And no it’s not because i”m young. I could be happy in a relationship and grow up and out of this predicament I’m in. I don’t want to keep playing “Free Bird” in my head when I’m 44, telling myself I can’t be tied down. Everyone wants love, everyone wants love.

Anyways, back to my future, what I’m doing is pure chaos. Totally backwards. Again running from something, I’m not sure what. I’m not even sure what I’m running to. I have no direction. And I’m not surprised. I am reaching out to something I’m not sure of. Yadda, yadda.

I don’t have a good role model for anything. Self-esteem, family, career, life. My parents have the MOST boring life. My brothers are lazy. My sister is crazy.

I had an epiphany today that everyone is crazy. No one, no one knows what they are doing. And they try to tell me what I should be doing; you don’t know! And on the contrary, I am still very young, so I don’t know either.

I will go on a rant now about how I have worked so incredibly hard in keeping it together in believing that you actually truly care about me because I have been very hurt in the past, not only by you, but by things we’ve said in the heat of anger.

I do focus on things that keep me positive and that do not play in to my insecurity that I am “just the next girl” in your life, or whatever insecurity I have, because they are just that. And the more you play into the negative thoughts, the more they become just another self-fulfilling prophecy. Knowing this for myself has helped me so much to over come my negative thoughts.

I think you were a little drunk yesterday and so it gave way to feeling more insecure about the relationship, because I can’t see how you could feel good about us if you are thinking that way.

And I know that when you talk like that, you are just having a moment of weakness — it comes out as mean and heartless. That’s not who you are or what you really feel deep down. I was actually more upset that you gave into those negative feelings enough to say it out loud because even I have come to recognize those thoughts to know that I’m just angry.

But I’m glad you came out of it on your own, I knew you would. I just also put my wall up and was, I suppose, waiting for the storm in myself to pass. I was thinking how stupid it was that I had my wall up. How stupid it was we were at odds.

This, I should have journalled, but I sent it. I regret it. I should have just said “It’s Ok, I know that when you talk like that, you are just having a moment of weakness.”

Then showed him the letter. But I sent it. It would have said to him, I know. I love you, you still make mistakes, but I still love you, it’s OK. Instead it probably came out more like criticism, scolding, making him seem like he can’t ever get angry maybe, or be upset etc. and all that.

I will get it, it’s just a matter of practice and patience with myself.